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Great Sex: It’s All in Your HeadNew research has concluded that the “beer goggle” effect can be triggered by the mere thought of alcohol. Male study participants who expected alcohol to boost their libido rated photographs of women as more attractive after having seen alcohol related words on a computer screen. When non-alcohol related words were viewed there was no change in how they rated the photos. And participants who did not expect to have a “beer goggle” effect, saw no change in their perception of the photos regardless of the cue words they saw. This means that your expectations can influence your perception.
How can you apply this to your sex life? Start by creating a pleasurable, sensual space for sex. Clear the clutter from your bedroom, anything that isn’t necessary for sex or sleep doesn’t need to be there. Fill your bedroom with things that you and your partner find sexually stimulating. If you like to watch porn together, have your favorite DVD out and ready to go. Keep your sex toys and contraceptives near the bed so you don’t have to “break the mood” when it’s time to put on the condom. If you’ve got kids, lock the door so that you aren’t interrupted. The key is to create an environment that both you and your partner find sexy. A sexy environment will influence how you perceive your sexual encounter and enhance your experience.
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Gee, You Smell Terrific!
Have you ever found the scent of your lover to be a sexual turn-on? Have you ever liked someone, but were turned off by the way they smelled? Chances are you have experienced first hand the power of human pheromones. Pheromones are odorless compounds that act as sexual attractants. They are found in sweat glands that are concentrated in the armpits and genital areas and work by stimulating the part of the brain that regulates our sex hormones. While humans evolved to rely more heavily on our sense of sight, the sense of smell and the power of pheromones are still effecting who you find attractive.
Most research into pheromones has focused almost exclusively on opposite-sex attractions, but there is a new study that looked at how gays and lesbians respond to pheromonal cues. Through the magic of brain scans we can now see how pheromones trigger either the odor recognition areas of the brain or the hypothalamus, which regulates sex hormones. It appears that the difference is determined by your sexual orientation. If you are attracted to men, male pheromones will stimulate the hypothalamus and female pheromones will activate the odor-related areas of the brain. The opposite is true of people who are attracted to women. This research show us that pheromones are active in humans and do have an effect on our sex lives.
You can harness the power of your pheromones to attract new partners or to inspire your current partner. The effect may be subtle, but everyone can use a little boost to his or her sexual attractiveness now and then. Start by avoiding the use of anti-perspirants. Anti-perspirants block the secretion of pheromones through the sweat glands. Next, limit your use of deodorants. Deodorants alter your unique scent signature, inhibiting the influence of your pheromones. Finally, drink plenty of water and limit your intake of foods like garlic and onions. The old saying is true, you are what you eat…and you smell like it too! Drinking lots of water will help flush out strong smelling odors from the food you eat, so they don’t end up in your sweat.
If you are unable to make these lifestyle changes, you could buy a commercially available pheromone to add to your favorite perfume or cologne. Keep in mind that the pheromone industry is developing products for you to attract the opposite sex and hasn’t yet incorporated the new research on pheromones and sexual orientation. So, if you want to attract a man buy a pheromone designed for women, regardless of your sex. Remember, using a pheromone product won’t instantly turn you into a sex god/goddess, but it may just open the door to a fabulous new partner or an incredibly hot sexual encounter.
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Hot Sex, Hold the Peppers
Eating a diet high in hot chili peppers can damage the pelvic nerves involved in pleasure and pain, according to new research by noted sexologist Beverly Whipple. This damage lowers the pain threshold and limits pain soothing sexual sensations. Whether it is pain or pleasure, the signals run along the same nerve pathways. Some of the difference between what is experienced as pain or pleasure is in our perception. Just ask anyone who likes being spanked!
Pressure applied to the G-spot has been shown to raise the pain threshold by 47% over resting conditions. And when the pressure was perceived as pleasurable, the pain threshold was raised by 84%, illustrating how pleasure can overcome pain when the pelvic nerves are functioning properly. Pregnant women should take note of this research because it shows that having healthy pelvic nerves can mean less pain during labor.
This doesn’t mean that you have to cut hot chili peppers out of your diet entirely. In fact, it appears that you would have to eat a lot of peppers over a long period of time to see a negative effect. But, if you’re not experiencing the pleasure you used to you may want to evaluate your diet. And for pregnant women, you may want to limit hot, spicy foods for a few months before you go into labor.
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Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Children!
Since when are children’s books not appropriate for kids? Ever since legislators have proposed removing books with gay characters from the children’s section of public libraries and re-shelving them in the adult section. These aren’t erotic books, they aren’t porn, they are books that are meant to teach kids about diversity.
This legislation has been already been passed in Oklahoma and is being introduced in Louisiana. Luckily, similar legislation has failed in Arkansas. But, a state lawmaker in Alabama wants to go even further and ban gay speech in any institution that accepts state money.
This is all meant to protect the children. Or is it to keep them ignorant about the diversity of the world beyond their sheltered community? And what happens to kids who grow up so sheltered? How do they cope as adults when they are finally confronted with those that may be different from them and to whom they have no information about? Or what about the gay child who grows up thinking they are the only one who feels the way they do?
Whether you view it as fall-out from the gay marriage debate or an extension of abstinence only education, one thing is sure, an ignorant population is much easier to manipulate and control. We shouldn’t be afraid of information, we should embrace it, think critically about it and make informed decisions about how to incorporate it into our lives.
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Savvy Sex Quote
“We should talk with our children about sex, just like other health issues. We must remember people are sexual beings, even if they are not sexually active.”
- Dr. David Satcher, Former US Surgeon General
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Ask me, I know.
Got a question about sex, but you don’t know who to ask? Ask me, I know. Send me your sex questions by e-mail to: askmeiknow@drsueannmark.com . I will be including an anonymous question and answer in each issue of Savvy Sex.
Q: How can I let my partner know that I’m not in the mood for sex without hurting his feelings? Sometimes I’ll go ahead and have sex when I’m not in the mood just to make him happy, but it’s not fun for me. Should I just say no or have sex when I’m not really into it?
A: If it’s not fun, don’t do it! It’s okay to say no to sex when you’re not in the mood and there are ways you can protect your partner’s feelings in the process. Besides, your partner will probably have a much better experience if you are into it too. So, if you’re not in the mood right then, you can offer to schedule sex for another time when you’ll be more into it. You can turn down intercourse, but you might be open to negotiating other sensual activities like cuddling, massage, kissing or soaking in a hot bath with your partner. Think of it as extended foreplay until you are in the mood for sex. Sure, this might not be exactly what your partner had in mind, but these sensual activities will still satisfy a desire for intimacy and help strengthen your bond. They will also fan the flames of desire, making your next sexual encounter even hotter. A little anticipation can really intensify desire, so setting a “date” for sex may work out better for both of you.
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This issue is packed with a lot of information. If you're feeling overwhelmed and would like some guidance, you may want to consider scheduling a session with Dr. Mark to discuss your concerns. I offer the following services in my San Francisco office and by phone:
If you're surfing the web, I encourage you to visit my website, www.drsueannmark.com, and vote in my newest sex survey on oral sex.
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Thanks for reading. I hope this issue has inspired you to make your sex life all you want it to be. Please feel free to forward this newsletter to friends that might be interested.
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Copyright 2005 Sueann Mark, Ph.D., All rights reserved
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